Welcome to Dr. Michael Broder’s resource page to help you evaluate your marriage or love relationship!

Please scroll down for the Assessment Inventory.

Assessment Inventory

To help you evaluate your MARRIAGE OR LOVE RELATIONSHIP

For over twenty years I searched for a foolproof “litmus test” that could save people from the pain of fruitlessly trying to revive a relationship that has virtually no chance for success (as well as from abandoning troubled relationships that could be turned around if only the partners could see that proverbial forest through the trees).

The confidential inventory that you are about to take comes about as close to the standard of a litmus test that I (and the many colleagues of mine who have used it) have found. I first put together the inventory I call Can Your Relationship Be Saved? for my book, The Art of Staying Together. This self-assessment has also been used by scores of mental health professionals with their clients/patients with good results. Over the years I have received much feedback, which I have taken into account to both revise and expand this inventory. So think of it as a self-assessment which can not only provide you with some additional insights to make you aware of some of the warning signs that exist, but it is also designed to help you both see and make the choices that could lead either to the healing (and even deepening) of your relationship, or the straightforward decision to end it. Remember, you are the only one who sees your answers!

If it is appropriate, have your partner take it as well— but separately. If both of you take it, I suggest you to wait until each of you is completely finished before you compare your answers or discuss any of the implications.

Can Your Relationship Be Saved?
How to Know Whether to Stay or Go.

Download Our Free MP3

Can Your Relationship Be Saved?
Self-Assessment Inventory begins here:

Please take a piece of paper and number it from one to fifty. Then simply put a check mark next to the number of each True statement that describes your relationship.

1. My partner and I no longer feel like friends.

___ True

___ False

 

2. My partner and I have developed a very strong wall that separates us.

___ True

___ False

 

3. I am constantly thinking about how nice it would be to have an affair.

___ True

___ False

 

4. When my partner and I fight, it gets nasty and I am left with feelings of wanting to get out.

___ True

___ False

 

5. My partner has told me at a time other than when we were in the middle of a fight that he or she would be happier if we split up.

___ True

___ False

 

6. I am unwilling to accept my partner as he/she is. If this relationship is to continue, he/she will have to make some very major changes that he/she is unwilling to make.

___ True

___ False

 

7. My partner and I have little in common anymore.

___ True

___ False

 

8. I would leave this relationship in a heartbeat if I felt confident that I could make it on my own or if I knew I could get through the painful transition of a breakup.

___ True

___ False

 

9. Although I no longer love my partner, I feel responsible for him/her. I think the only thing that is really keeping me here is guilt.

___ True

___ False

 

10. My partner and I fight a lot and I fear that underneath the fighting there is not much left.

___ True

___ False

 

11. When I am about to be around my partner and I think of having to spend time with him/her, I get an empty feeling.

___ True

___ False

 

12. My partner and I are just no longer playing for the same team.

___ True

___ False

 

13. The more time goes by; the more I begin to dislike my partner.

___ True

___ False

 

14. My respect for my partner is practically or totally gone.

___ True

___ False

 

15. There is very little trust left in our relationship.

___ True

___ False

 

16. I constantly fear my partner’s abusive behavior. If it happens again, I am leaving.

___ True

___ False

 

17. My partner abuses alcohol and/or drugs. It is even more intolerable to me that he/she denies that the usage is a problem.

___ True

___ False

 

18. I can only tolerate my partner if one of us is high on alcohol or drugs.

___ True

___ False

 

19. If I could afford it financially I would leave.

___ True

___ False

 

20. My partner has an emotional hold on me. I would love to leave but feel too hooked and addicted to the relationship.

___ True

___ False

 

21. My partner has children whom I am expected to relate to. The relationship would be fine if they were not there, but they are here to stay and it is creating a very unhappy situation for me.

___ True

___ False

 

22. I should want my relationship to continue, or I want to want my relationship to continue, but I cannot say that I do want it to continue.

___ True

___ False

 

23. We are unable to resolve our differences together, but my partner refuses to enter counseling or therapy.

___ True

___ False

 

24. My partner has told me that he/she does not love me anymore.

___ True

___ False

 

25. My partner has done something for which I cannot forgive him/her. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

___ True

___ False

 

26. We just have so many differences that it is unrealistic to think we can even begin to address them.

___ True

___ False

 

27. I am so overwhelmed by my partner’s constant demands for love and approval, perfectionism, and/or rigid rules of how the relationship should be and how each of us should behave within it, that sometimes I just want to give up.

___ True

___ False

 

28. I am almost certain my partner is having an affair and if this is true I will not tolerate it.

___ True

___ False

 

29. I feel closer to my partner when we are not together.

___ True

___ False

 

30. There is definitely more pain than joy or pleasure associated with my partner and our relationship.

___ True

___ False

 

31. This relationship has become a constant burden

___ True

___ False

 

32. If I knew I could find another mate, I would leave immediately.

___ True

___ False

 

33. I am having an affair with someone I value much more than my partner, and I am unwilling to give this other person up under any circumstances.

___ True

___ False

 

34. I feel very indifferent toward my partner and have little motivation to try and work things out.

___ True

___ False

 

35. My most stress-free moments are when my partner and I are not together.

___ True

___ False

 

36. My partner and I are totally inflexible with each other.

___ True

___ False

 

37. I don’t even have a desire to tell my partner how I feel anymore positive or negative.

___ True

___ False

 

38. Our relationship has peaked and could never again be as good as it once was.

___ True

___ False

 

39. When I think of us growing old together, life seems not worth living.

___ True

___ False

 

40. At this point, there is just too much water under the bridge.

___ True

___ False

 

41. When I think of leaving my partner I feel relieved.

___ True

___ False

 

42. I have wanted to leave for a long time, but my partner has said he/she will commit suicide if I do.

___ True

___ False

 

43. I constantly have to choose between my partner and my family (of origin).

___ True

___ False

 

44. My partner is abusive to the children a situation I am powerless to stop as long as they are all in the same environment.

___ True

___ False

 

45. This relationship does not allow me to grow.

___ True

___ False

 

46. My partner does not fit into my future plans.

___ True

___ False

 

47. I want to leave but, I cannot see myself pulling it off I am stuck.

___ True

___ False

 

48. I need my partner much more than I love him/her.

___ True

___ False

 

49. I love my partner but am not in love with him/her.

___ True

___ False

 

50. We have tried everything and nothing seems to help.

___ True

___ False

…………………………………….

 

Click here to evaluate your “Can Your Relationship Be Saved?” inventory!