Can Your Relationship Be Saved?
How to Know Whether to Stay or Go
by Michael S. Broder Ph.D.
If you are seriously debating whether to split up or stay together, Dr. Michael Broder’s clear and logical approach will help guide you through this complicated and difficult life decision.”
—Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D., Co-author of GOING THE DISTANCE: Finding and Keeping Lifelong Love.
A wise and compassionate guide to assessing a faltering love relationship, and answering the fundamental question asked by the book’s title: Can Your Relationship Be Saved? Dr. Broder addresses
individuals and couples in marriages, engagements, living-together and dating arrangements or any other type of love relationship or romance — long- or short-term, and of any sexual orientation. His 50-item “Can Your Relationship Be Saved?” Inventory asks the right questions. But readers are not left there. The chapters that follow lead readers in the decision making process by gently guiding them to explore all of their options. Readers will find direction along with the information and strategies to help them act on their decisions.
Can Your Relationship Be Saved? speaks directly to the painful ambivalence that results when one is on the fence about a relationship. Dr. Broder’s guidance is packed with practical road maps and direction finders–avoiding glibness, clichs, pat answers, or value judgments.
This book is for you if:
- You are in a troubled relationship (such as one that has become stormy, indifferent or one-sided)and you are trying to decide whether to stay or leave; and what each possible direction would entail.
- You are looking back at a relationship that has ended, and find yourself second-guessing — by telling yourself things such as “if only I had _____________(fill in the blank) we would still be happily together” and find this to be a nagging source of discomfort.
- You are trying to understand what went wrong in a relationship that has ended (or is ending) so that you do not repeat old patterns.
- You are trying to understand why the relationship of someone close to you (such as a parent, adult child or other family member or friend) might be ending(perhaps even though it may have looked quite functional from the outside).
- You are trying to understand your behavior or attitude patterns, or those of the people you become involved with. Perhaps then you can come to grips with why your relationships either fail to continue, or don’t seem to provide you with the fulfillment you are seeking.
- You’re finding that things that may have attracted you to your partner before may be the very things that now turn you off.
- You’re wondering if you can benefit from professional help, and how to find it.
- You are exploring the issues this book addresses, either by yourself or with your partner.
- You are a mental health professional, clergy person, attorney, or other helper,who is in a position to help people make decisions related to their relationship transition, as well as to cope with the aftermath.
The book is divided in three parts. Part I Your Relationship focuses on the reader’s relationship as it is now, introducing in user friendly format the self-assessment inventory that’s been used by thousands of psychotherapists, divorce lawyers and lay people. Part II Working Through the Curse of Ambivalence asks readers to evaluate three major aspects of their relationship ambivalence: Staying vs. leaving, What if I leave? and What if I stay? Part III The Aftermath of Ambivalence presents strategies to help readers gain insight into what life may be like (a) if they build a new life together as a couple or (b) elect to leave and thus become single once again. Readers are carefully guided through an examination of each lifestyle; and are offered strategies to maximize happiness– regardless of whether or not the current relationship survives.
Can Your Relationship Be Saved? is warm, unabashedly upbeat and optimistic.
The title of this book, Can Your Relationship Be Saved? captures one of the most commonly explored issues that I have dealt with in my office over the past three decades as a practicing clinical psychologist. In addition to being so common a question, it has also been an extraordinarily complex one for scores of individuals and couples who have consulted with me over the years. Hopefully, this book will break it down in a way that you will find empowers you to quickly get beyond the murkiness, and toward a resolution of all the issues involved.
For the purpose of simplicity, I use the term relationship throughout the book to refer to marriages, engagements, living-together and dating arrangements, or any other type of love relationship or romance — long- or short-term, and of any sexual orientation — including those where the partners are separated or divorced, thinking about reconciliation, or trying to justify leaving. I will use the word partner (present or ex) to mean spouse, spouse-equivalent, lover, mate, companion, boyfriend, or girlfriend.
Michael S. Broder, Ph.D., Author
“I encourage therapists to recommend this book to their equivicating clients/patients.”
Arnold A. Lazarus, Ph.D.
Author of MARITAL MYTHS REVISITED
“I would strongly recommend that any person who is ambivalent about his or her relationship read this book. Promptly!”
Albert Ellis, Ph.D
Author of FEELING BETTER, GETTING BETTER, STAYING BETTER
“This superb guide helps real couples solve real problems, and provides them with clear, practical action steps to insure their implementation…”
Janet Wolfe, Ph.D.
Author of WHAT TO DO WHEN HE HAS A HEADACHE